I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
