I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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