Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
