What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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