your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
