help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
