I am puke
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
