And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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