Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
