Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
