Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Please, let me fuck your mom
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
