my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
