yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
