my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
