i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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