when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
