I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
