Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
