AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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