i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
