i already hear my dad disowning me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
