I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
