It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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