you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
