no, he came in my armpit
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
