Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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