your thong is hanging out like whoa
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
