I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
