my soul wont recognize me after tonight
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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