just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
