Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
