yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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