But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
