some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
