During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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