Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
