Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
