At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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