So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
