the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
