Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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