He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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