You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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