literally had 100 drinks last night.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
