I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
