I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
