You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
