Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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