Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
