I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
