She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
