Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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