So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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